Thursday, August 28, 2008
From my perspective, it does not matter how many kids a person has or does not have, how young or old, their looks, their convictions everyone deserves to be treated with "compassion and mercy, from me to you and you to me...exactly how it oughta be..." (*a quote from the vegi tales movie Jonah...ask my son H how we treat people and he will tell you with compassion and mercy). Please, for one moment take a deep breath before you speak and "spit vinegar" and remember how you would like to be treated. Take it from me, being treated like s*&% really bites.
I am over it now, can you tell. NO, really I am. I actually aside from that incident yesterday had an amazing day. A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders... that would have been the TMI but for now... just know that today (as always) we are giving Him glory...great things He has done.
Happy day to all of you.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I just had to laugh.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
- I can't stop my mouth, want to, think about it all day before I go... did I offend anyone?
- touchie subjects...more babies, iuds, teachers, weight, politics, religion... did I offend anyone?
- scatterbrained... did I finish my sentences? did I finish my conversation? I hate not knowing.
- interruptions. I find that I interrupt people, not on purpose, I just run my mouth too much. This bothers me to no end. Not intentional, knowing that it is happening, can't fix it.
- I don't really have many friends... could my mouth be why? well of course but I feel like I am so lost on how to fix it. Maybe I need to get more adult interaction so when I do get it it isn't so over whelming.
- I want to be around people but I can't figure out how to "behave appropriately" I come feeling like a twelve year old.
I had no intentions on hurting anyone so I pray about it and calm down... mind continues to wander as it does every night....lying awake thinking, listening...
- Is D going to stay dry all night? Did J give him too much to drink? Did my boys behave to give Jeremy enough of a break so that I could maybe just maybe go out again?
- D talking in his sleep, W responding to the conversation...both sleeping.
- D begins to stir... get up and take him to the potty, yep, he had to go!
- L gonna sleep all night or get up for a drink of water?
- H gonna complain he has a headache
- what if we were to have more babies, would I lose even more friends
- woops did I make too much noise lying here, j just rolled over again.
- whats on the Olympics tonight? did I miss anything? what is on right now?
- I feel lonely, how do I fix that?
- should we get a bus and fix it too? it looks like an awesome project
- how do people really feel about me
- what will tomorrow bring, hoping it wont rain...could really use a 40hour week.
- how are my siblings... how are my parents fairing (and really I know all of this already but it still runs through my head)
- i have lots of work to do. need to be more organized. want to be a better mom and person as a whole.
I know, how in the heck would I sleep letting all of this garbage run through my head. Every night. Slowly but surely I attempt to fix what I can. Really in my heart and mind I don't want to care what people think but I can't help it. I long for friends. People that genuinely give a shit about me. That like me for who I am not for who I am married to or who my kids are. That don't care how many babies we have or don't have that just plain like me. When I had L I lost a whole bunch of friends (I use this scenario...but please know no one really is a roach...it just paints the picture of how I feel) when I had our forth baby it was like "someone flipped on the light switch and all of the roaches scattered" she is an amazing little girl and no one really knows that. Really, nothing has changed at my house except special diapers and another mouth do feed. But then again, that is how I see it...maybe I did/have changed and that is why? I don't really know and probably never will. I wanna think that I don't care...try to put on a good front.
Pretty much I stick to my family and my faith. I find myself enjoying perfect strangers blogs(AudreyCaroline, Stellan, Noah, there are so many that I enjoy, along with the clickers on the side of my blog for *SAVING MONEY (don't worry, I wont tell your hubbies what I do, I just tell mine how much money I save and what we got for free this month) a couple of my friends run blogs too... I can't help but check on them every day also...Jessica and Jill, did you click on the word bus above? that is my most favorite).
I am weird, I am strong spoken, I am lonely.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Have a great week everyone, I know I will.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Sitting at lunch today (H and W eating raisin bran...yippee their favorite) they were having a discussion. W announced to H that he was born in China. "my mom like to go there". H replied "I don't think so but I am not sure" (OF COURSE HE KNOWS... my smart mouthed smart brained seven and a half year old surely knows where he and all of his siblings were born...city, state, hospital, day, month, year...) Subject dropped by both as they asked for seconds. I just had to laugh. Never been out of the country to clarify. Not in this families budget I am afraid... Nothing against China (I think it would be an amazing place to visit.) instead of day dreaming about it I will enjoy my day here in balmy Wisconsin.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
1.You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station: bananas, a mountain dew, and crackers with cheese in the middle of them.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Met a wonderful family in the evening about me watching the two children. It went pretty good I guess, seeing how she said "I was really hoping I would get here and not like you" (she is having a hard time leaving her current sitter) and as she left she said "thank you for making my decision so hard". What I said, "YOU ARE WELCOME!". Complament? I hope so because that is how I took it but I feel axious waiting to hear if I have been chosen by their family to keep the children. It runs through my head... are they not liking the price I said?, are they not liking that I charge hourly?, did they not like our kids or our situation?, tons of questions were asked (which was pretty cool, she was REALLY prepared) and I just wondered if I answered them "correctly", truthfully, yes.... correctly? who the heck knows.
Laying there awake wondering how school is going to go.... do I enroll D in preschool? are the big boys going to do well and not be bullies or bullied. Sometimes being a mom just makes me need to take a deep breath. If I get the kids, D could go to preschool....if I don't should we work something out anyway? Do I just take care of him here? He has never had that socialization privalige. Grrrrrr.
I tell you what it is a good thing that I have God and my faith on my side. I don't know if I would ever sleep if I didn't. My parents were sooooo vidulant in raising us in the church. Back growing up it seemed like a pain and I just did not see it positivly most of the time. There was even a time in my early 20s that I was not active in the church. Well, thanks to a whole bunch of kids that call me mom (trust me, they say it often enough there is no question) it is up to me (and Jeremy of course who by the way has had such a faith walk this year. Being confirmed and more active than I could have ever prayed for) to bring them up in the Word and the church.
Still looking for God's direction in the whole "family planning thing" (I know I know, but it is on my mind CONSTANTLY).
To HIM be the GLORY GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!