Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A statistic

"Less than 1 out of 100 women will get pregnant each year if they
always use NuvaRing as directed." Well as you all know, three and a half years ago that happened to us. Little man will be three next month. *stat~ I am THE ONLY WOMAN in my doctors office to get pregnant on that form of birth control.

"IUDs are 99.2-99.9% effective as birth control." Well guess what, I have become the statistic again. *stat~ I am THE ONLY WOMAN in my doctors office AND the Womens Specialty clinic here in town to get pregnant on the IUD. Yes, that is why this past week I have been a complete wreck and quite frankly I decided that there are a few of you that need an explanation for my mood/attitude.

Here is what is up. Last week after not feeling well ("backed up") for a week I decided to take care of my problem. BUT I did as I always do, I took a pregnancy test "just to make sure" that I was not pregnant before I took over the counter meds. Thinking I could just pee on it, get the negative and toss it I did the deed... POSITIVE!?! I nearly threw up. You are kidding me right? I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PREGNANT. I called my girlfriend first... Jeremy was working away and I just could not call him with that information. Then I called my doctor. They needed me in ASAP. After nap we loaded up and headed over. (with a wonderful nurse watching the kids) Dr and I had a discussion. What he said, made my heart sink "50% of ALL IUD pregnancies end in a "tubal" pregnancy that can kill you if left." "if the baby is not tubal you will have to have the IUD taken out" "50% of all pregnancies are lost when they come out with the IUD". So, off he goes to find the strings and remove it. I will never forget the moment... he pushed the paper covering my knees down a bit and said "the strings were visible in February right?" (I had my yearly in February and there were no issues with the IUD). They were I replied. Okay so now what. Did I lose it and not realize it? I did not think so but then again, who the heck knows. "I am not supposed to be pregnant"... (with the last two babies we have I had my period for the first three months of my pregnancy so we did not know my dates either). An ultrasound was scheduled for the following morning. Thanks Auntie for watching the kids, I know I told you that I had a dentist appointment but at the time I just was not ready to go there with anyone. Sure enough, the IUD was there right where it is supposed to be. My hopes were dashed that I had lost it (to reduce all of those risks to me and the baby). Good blood flow, no sign anything "tubal". Four weeks along. Okay great. So, now what. The Dr at the WSC checked for the strings... nope he can't find them either. Okay, so here is the deal "we need to check the hormone levels to make sure what is going on (there was still a chance that it could be "tubal" too early to tell but the blood work would give us a good idea). So Tuesday my levels were 500. Waiting game... Thursday more blood... levels 290. NOT GOOD... the levels are supposed to double NOT drop. Agonizingly long weekend. Monday... blood given... levels 100. Our worst fears. We are losing the baby. SO, that is where we stand. Faced today having to go to the Dr to figure out what we are going to do. Heart broken, if you have never miscarried I can not explain the agony. It does not matter how far a long a lady is, it leaves a huge hole in the heart. Praying so hard for the levels to have gone up. Emotionally I lost it. Thankfully the lovely nurse at the Dr office was able to calm me a bit. What now? I have no idea what to do. Everyone knows that I was good with four kids. And I am. But I sooooo much still want to be pregnant than to be losing the baby. With so much going on around us... I try to put on a good front. The kids don't need this. My life is in shambles. Jeremy is hurt and confused and really we have no idea where to go from here.
I owed you all an explanation and I hope this helps. Not to offend anyone but I just really needed to put it in words. I didn't/don't want to talk about it (I just cry and I would rather do that by myself). Please, if you want to do something for us PRAY for all of us. I could really use that comfort right now.
I go in this morning. If I learn anything new I will let you know. Until then... I am going to sit in the quiet until my sweet babies wake up.

Happy day.


Kari said...

Huge hugs from all of us here...
Our angel babies will be playing together in heaven.

gbmom2407 said...

You are amazing! Absolutely Kari! Thanks for caring.

Deb said...

Oh Anna I am so sorry to hear about your little one. Please know we are praying for you guys. "Be still and know that I am God." He loves you and so do we.


PS: Your blog colors and format are beautiful.

Nancy said...

I so understand where you are--I prayed for you fellow momys. May Jesus fill the whole in your heart and calm your spirit. I have 2 friends who had IUD pregnancies end. You are not alone. I have had 4 miscarriages myself. I know what it is to have an unplanned pregnancy, too. It is stress and joy all wrapped up into one. May He bless you today.